No, that’s not the actual subtitle, but c’mon, can you blame me? She’s back, she’s mental, and she’s all ours.

RECAP DETAILS AHEAD (don’t read if you haven’t watched it yet) …

Cameron ’s having some hand trouble, which manifests itself when she tries to release a pigeon that had been nesting in the fireplace and crushes it to death instead. This leads to a wonderfully weird sequence paralleling Riley’s (unfortunately) unsuccessful suicide-by-slit-wrists, in which Cam slices her arm apart and begins tinkering with her malfunctioning metal. Riley spies her in action and soils herself, then goes running to her mother/girlfriend/I’m-not-sure-what’s-up-between-them figure, Jessie, to try and get out of her deal to turn John away from Cameron.

John helps Cam rejigger her arm, even though we (and he) damned well know she’s designed to self-repair, so why involve him? Anyway, he goes along with what is apparently the cyborg version of flirting and Cam reveals the stash of “endos” that she was supposed to have burned all along, but which she’s been stockpiling instead. He scolds her for this, but she says that Future John told her to save some of the parts, apparently for just such a rainy day. He goes with that.

Meanwhile, Jessie doesn’t let Riley off the hook, instead promising to protect her from Cam and anyone else who threatens her. Right, and I’ve got a nice bridge for you in Manhattan if you keep on cooperating, Riley.

Sarah, who gets a more relaxing week than she’s had for awhile, talks to Riley’s foster dad and confirms that the bruise on her face from where Jessie smacked her wasn’t inflicted by him. He also drops the bombshell that Riley ranted about “bleached skulls, dogs and cats living in sin…the end of the world!” Sarah gulps and heads off to meet with Riley’s guidance counselor – who turns out to be a scheming Jessie. Not!Counselor Jessie plants the idea in Sarah’s head that John’s been confiding sooper sekrit  things to Riley and that she, in turn, has been blabbing to guidance counselors, foster parents, and the like.

Derek is off trying to track down someone connected to Coliba and the various Factories of Fortitude we’ve visited in the past couple of weeks. And…that’s about all he’s up to this episode.

Sarah talks to John about Riley’s loose lips and he worries what will happen if Cam perceives this as a threat. He also worries about Cam’s sudden interest in making him sandwiches and her thinly-veiled hints that Future John and Cameron are thisclose. Someone from the Department of Family Services shows up at the Connor household to discuss Riley and it appears that Riley called them in, too. Which she didn’t. Another part of Jessie’s overall setup, which, Riley correctly deduces, is to turn John against Cameron by goading Cam into killing Riley. That’s cold, Jessie. The audience appreciates it, but still…cold.

Cam scares the jeebus out of Riley, saying almost exactly the same things she said to the poor, unfortunate pigeon at the beginning of the episode, but Riley’s ass is narrowly saved by John showing up to prevent any premature termination. While John and Sarah debate how to “handle” the Riley problem, she hightails it out of there and goes to confront Jessie, who is supposed to meet up with Derek to help him hijack the Coliba contact. But Jessie winds up a little busy, because Riley tries to kill her at her apartment. What ensues is a battle of the beyotches which is pretty awesome, during which Jessie tries to explain that she only wanted to give Riley a glorious Klingon death saving the future, instead of rotting away unknown and unmourned in the terminator-ridden world from whence she came. Riley makes a good go of it, beating the crap out of Jessie with a chair leg, until Jessie snags a hidden gun and shoots Riley very, ingloriously dead. And…so much for that plan. The question is, what will Jessie come up with next?

Back home, Cameron makes a watch in which to hide her true self should she need to impersonate a human…er, sorry, wrong show. She makes a time bomb and sticks it next to her chip, then gives the trigger, disguised as a watch fob, to John as a failsafe, because, as we know, she can’t self-terminate. Cam’s worries that his various repairs don’t seem to be doing the job, as she keeps accidentally killing birdies and making sandwiches and otherwise behaving like a Cylon instead of a Terminator. John reluctantly accepts her “gift” and still manages to look totally smitten by her. That can’t end well.

In fact, the episode ends on a creepy note, as he finds another dead bird lying outside the house. Ruh-roh, Shaggy!