On this second episode of Big Brother 11, we had our first Food Competition. Which has evolved this season into a Have/Have Not Competition. Three groups will be “Haves” — the HOH group and the cliques that come in first and second. The group that comes in last will be the “Have Nots” — one week of slop, a crappy bedroom and cold water. In a competition based on a rave for some random reason, the teams covered themselves in dayglo paint and attempted to build a network of plastic pipes from one end of a course to the other. Even though Braden told us it was like Lincoln Logs, it was actually more like TinkerToys, you dumb oaf.

Anyway, you’d think the Brains would win this one handily. You’d be wrong. We realize at this point that Chima is a princess and completely cannot deal with having to spend the week as a Has-Not. She pouts and whines and complains and everyone pretty much ignores her, as they should.

Another important thing we learn this episode? That Jessie’s goal in life is to become a professional wrestler for the WWE. And suddenly everything about him makes sense. The screaming, the preening, the bullshit posturing and the conceit. If I found him annoying before, I find him insufferable now, because I know he’s “acting.” It galls me so much to have to watch him on this show, I can’t even articulate it. He is, in a word, awful.

Anyhoo, as these things go, alliances start to emerge. Ronnie approaches the Athletes for a secret alliance, making references in the Diary Room to the Evil Galactic Empire and Jedi Knights. Oh, Ronnie. The Athletes ask him to be a pawn for Nominations, and Ronnie wisely deflects that honor over to Chima. As Jessie decides who he wants out of the house, Russell clues us in to the fact that he doesn’t like Lydia. He is convinced she is the biggest threat in the game — “AND IT’S NOT EVEN A GIRL.” How he decided she’s a threat, I have no idea. I guess because she acts like she has a brain in her head? Although I have my doubts about that because she willingly massaged Jessie’s back. I mean, I get that you have to kiss HOH ass in this game, but ew.

Lydia’s sacrifice does no good anyway, as Jessie nominates her and Chima for eviction. Sigh. I’m hoping to see Chima go, and if she spends the rest of the week complaining, chances are the pawn will once again go home.

Other thoughts? Laura spent a lot of time trying to come on to Jessie and I thought I’d be able to make fun of it, but it actually made me depressed. Also, Jordan seems awfully sweet and nice. I hope the house doesn’t break her. And I think Jessie has a crush on Natalie. Wait until he finds out she’s only 18, har har HAR.