As we saw on Thursday, Dan wins the HoH and then the houseguests come inside to see a sumo wrestler in the living room. He speaks in Japanese, saying that what they need is under his bum. No one understands him, but he gets up and does his little sumo dance and Dan notices the envelope on the seat. He waits for the wrestler to get up again then deftly grabs it and I say, EW! He opens it and the letter inside announces that there will be a luxury competition in the morning and the winner will win a trip outside the house that could impact the game.

Later on Keesha, Memphis and Dan are outside (although I suspect this footage is from last week, but whatever) and the guys are contemplating the spider who lives above the patio. They’ve named him Ted and decide they need to help him get some food. Memphis catches a moth and tosses it into the web. Ted approaches but loses interest when he sees the moth is already dead. They try again with a bigger moth and this time Memphis is careful not to squash it first. Keesha is getting upset but they ignore her. The moth gets caught in the web and this time Ted rushes in, spins it up and kills it. It’s like watching a hyena down a gazelle in the Serengeti. Or something.

So Dan jumps out of the DR and announces that it’s time to see his HoH room to an empty house and the sound of crickets, which makes me laugh because I’m pretty sure Dan already knew everyone was outside. They go upstairs and Jerry, upon seeing one of Dan’s photos, starts making fun of him for being fat! First, he was not fat; second, WTH? Dan reads his letter from his family who says nice things about everyone except Jerry; his name is simply followed by an ellipsis. Dan, ever the sweetheart, tries to include Jerry more by adding that they must enjoy him too because they wrote, “Jerry, dot dot dot.” Jerry is ridiculously delighted. Memphis and I groan.

It’s now the next morning and we see that the backyard is full of stuff (do NOT tell me what is in that bathtub, EW). One of the things is a dude in a gorilla suit, and he runs into the house, to the DR and takes off his head. I beg him to put it back on, because it’s Jessie. Ugh. He tries to act cool for the camera but MASSIVE FAIL. He puts his head back on and runs through the house, silently waking everyone up and bringing them outside. Dan reads the rules of the competition, and it’s just like the one from the All-Stars season, where they have to come up with a relative, well-known saying based on the clues. The gorilla will cover up the decoy props as the game goes on.

Surprisingly, Jessie is actually quite funny. He has more personality silent and with the suit on than he does as himself. Anyway, Jerry blows through his guesses rather quickly and they are stupid, stupid guesses. Keesha guesses “blew it” because of the blueberry, and I go “wah wah.” The game is almost over and with the props remaining, Dan guesses “bury (berry) the hatchet (hatch it)” and I knew he’d gotten it right and won. The gorilla starts to leave and on his way out he passes Jerry and makes a fart sound, and Dan immediately says, “Is that Jessie?” Jessie goes to the DR where he delights in his farting sound again. What a douche.

Dan is declared the winner and he goes to the DR to receive his prize. He is awarded a helicopter ride to spend the day on a private island beach, AND the ability to choose someone to take along with him…either a current houseguest or a jury member! Interesting twist. Dan decides to take Michelle, but he also decides to lie to his housemates about it so that no one gets angry. However, Jerry wonders aloud if Dan will get to see the jury during his day trip. He says that they were told the prize could affect the game, so there must be more to it than what they know. Hopefully Dan’s lie won’t bite him in the ass later.

Dan and Memphis talk privately in HoH about nominations, and come to the conclusion that it would probably be safest for Memphis to go up on the block against Jerry again to hide their alliance. Dan goes ahead and does it, and Jerry and Keesha seem to fall for it.

All I can think about is Dan’s private beach day with Michelle. I keep thinking she’s going to shiv him and leave him to die.