This week’s idol supposedly had a shocking elimination, at least according to my Yahoo home page news blurb on Thursday. If by shocking they meant wholly appropriate and shrug-worthy, then spot on, Yahoo.

But before we get to that, let’s run through who performed what and how well this week. Wait, even before that, can I just say that the theme was country music? And that the guest coach was Randy Travis? And that Randy Travis has a great big ginormous Franken-head which startled me so much whenever it came on screen that I screamed, “Headheadhead!” and ducked behind the sofa?

Anywho, here’s our Top 11, in order of their appearance on the results show:

Danny: Sang “Jesus Take the Wheel” and he was not as “on” as he has been other weeks, but is decent enough that he gets the quick “you’re in” judgment. He’s lucky they didn’t vote based on  fashion, because that straitjacket ensemble in which he performed? Not. Good.

Lil Rounds: Sang “Independence Day.” There was a mixed response on how well the song suited her, which led to an absolutely hilarious debate between Simon and the others over his calling her “Little” instead of “Lil,” and that he thinks it’s the same diff. Well, no, you maroon, it isn’t, because her name is not Little Rounds like some Nabisco snack, her name is Lil, as in short for Lily or Lillian or something not cracker-related. Name abuse aside, Lil is safe and back in her seat in no time flat.

Anoop: Sang a slow but beautifully melodic version of “Always on My Mind” that got Simon back on his side and everyone else praised highly. Also safe.

Then Ryan has Allison and Michael stand up, which is a little surprising, in that Allison is clearly the top of the gal heap this season. She sang a solid version of “Blame it on Your Heart.” Randy actually called it, “Dope,” because, for him, the advancement of slang ended around 1993.

Michael sang a somewhat marble-mouthed version of “Ain’t Going Down ’til the Sun Comes Up.” The Paulas liked it, Randy was meh, and Simon couldn’t understand a word of it. Surprisingly, Allison is the one in the Bottom Three, which prompts her to “Omigawd!” out loud before heading over to stew in one of the three center stage seats. And then…bam! Michael’s in the B-3, too.

Some guy I don’t know sang a country song I didn’t care about.

We’re back and it is Scott’s turn to face the Ryan. He sang, “Wild Angels” and the judges found it ah-right, but they also felt he needs to raise his game and take more risks and stop playing the piano and giving the same performance every week (except for Simon, who, for no logical reason, said it was fine for Scott to bore the world to death doing exactly that). Scott’s packing his bags…to join the Idols’ tour this summer as part of the Top 10, ’cause he’s safe. Psyche!

Poor Megan Joy is up next, and I say “poor” because the girl was sicker than a very sick dog all week, even winding up in the hospital for a time with Influenza B. Which of course prompted me to think it could have been worse, she could have Hepatitis B from all those tats on her arm, but I’m awful that way, so just ignore me. Anyway, Typhoid Megan gamely performed, “Walking After Midnight” and though her voice had a rough edge from being sick, she kind of made it work for her. She’s really got to cut out the weird arm-bobbing, seed-pecking dances she does when singing, though. That’s not the flu, that’s just…I don’t know…a palsy or something. Megan gets the sympathy vote and is nice and safe.

Matt sang, “So Small” and the judges went apeshit for it, saying he was the best of the night.  Duh, he’s safe.

Kris sang, “To Make You Feel My Love” and the judges thought he gave the best performance of the night until Matt took his turn. Also safe.

Adorable Alexis and Crown Prince Adam are called to their feet. Now, Alexis sang, “Jolene,” and frankly the judges were nicer to her than I thought she deserved, because she sounded completely off-key on several notes and sang the entire thing out of synch with the music.

Adam, meanwhile, performed the most bizarre version of “Ring of Fire” in the history of ever. I mean, imagine The Darkness or Trent Reznor belting out Johnny Cash in an arrangement by Led Zeppelin and you’ll have some idea of how mind-blowing Adam was last night. Throw in that he all but orally pleasured the microphone throughout the rendition and the picture is nigh complete. It was either pure genius (the Paulas, Randy) or horrific bullshit (Simon). I paraphrase, but not by much. No surprise a t’all, Alexis is in the Bottom Three. Adding insult to injury, Randy calls her by the wrong name when predicting she’ll be in the B-3. Yeowtch.

Ryan then goes center stage to immediately send Allison back to the safety of the Seats of Success. She’s mightily relieved.

After the break, Carrie Underwood and HEAD!!!!!! perform a duet. I watched them fly by in fast-forward. Then we’re back to the part we care about. Simon teases that the judges are considering using their magic save card for either Michael or Alexis, which I don’t believe for a New York minute.

Sure enough, the nation votes Alexis off the stage and she is forced to sing for her survival. Simon actually tells her that she’s the one they’re thinking of saving so she’d better bleed out her eyes for it. Well, she does a wee bit better than last night, but that just ain’t enough and they cut her loose anyway, apparently by unanimous acclaim. She has the grace (hee, see what I did there?) to thank the judges for their opportunity and then it’s buh-bye.

Next week, Idol’s pre-empted on Tuesday for President Obama to tell us how collectively fucked we are, so set your TiVos to record Wednesday and Thursday for the show and results.