Since this is the kajillionth hour of American Idol this week, we’ll keep this short ‘n’ sweet.

The judges this week decide who will take the final three slots in the top 12. They wind up cramming way to much into this hour and run right over into Hell’s Kitchen. Fortunately for the world, I record HK, too, so I saw the “surprise” end.

Jesse Langseth tries to show her range, but fails to earn herself a spot with her weird song choice of “Tell Me Something Good.”

Matt Giraud, wearing a very silly hat, goes back to his blues roots as advised by the judges, goes all soul man through “Who’s Loving You?” It’s good enough -he’s the guy who get’s the third Wild Card entry to complete the Top 12 (but wait, there’s more!)

Megan Corkrey performs one of the “jamsiest” songs around – her word, not mine – and sings “Black Horse and a Cherry Tree” and its one big “eh” of a vocal, with a lot of weird arm swinging, but she’s so much more likeable than Tatiana that the judges give it to her (more about Tatiana below).

Kewpie Doll Head Von Smith is ready to be himself on “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word,” and the judges found it dull, serious, dirgelike – so, if that was him being himself, he should have tried being someone cheerier. Like Bono. Anyway, no Top 12 for him.

Adorable Jasmine Murray is next, ready to show her vocal ability with “Reflection,” which she belts for all she’s worth and it is good enough – she’s our first Wild Card Top 12-er.

Ricky Braddy, hair combed to a pyramid for no good reason, goes for “Superstition.” An ambitious choice that I thought he handled pretty well, but it was considered too karaoke to land him in one of the precious Stools of Success.

And then it’s Tatiana Del Toro’s turn and I have to take a moment here to say that the Idol producers deserve a swift kick in the collective nutsack for bringing her back for this. Not, you’ll be surprised to hear, just because I can’t stand the little prima donna, but because it is clear that she was only brought back to tease, mock, and generally make fun of, not because she had a snowball’s chance in Puerto Rico of making into the Top 12. No, this is pure ratings grab and it’s bone-deep mean; like kicking a particularly stupid puppy that already fell off the back of the sofa trying to bite its own tail. Bad show, Show. Bad show.

Okay, getting off my soapbox to say that she sings “Saving All My Love” for like the tenth time since she auditioned and, yeah, she has a decent enough voice, but every note is overwrought and the judges just bitch-slap her verbally for choosing the same song again, especially Simon. It’s because Tatiana won’t shut the hell up that the show ran over, by the way, so you can thank her (and the showrunners) for that annoyance, too. Then there’s a very disconcerting interlude with Ryan where they hint at her giving him oral pleasure (don’t ask) and finally, we’re on to the last guy with a real shot: Anoop Desai. He goes with “My Prerogative” and, as usual, his voice doesn’t match his face, but it’s so good it doesn’t matter.

Tatiana, who was called up with Megan, completely loses her shit when Megan is given the second Top 12 Wildcard spot, and launches into  weeping and clutching her proverbial pearls. Her mentor in drama queen-ing, Paula, encourages her by saying she’ll go places, like into acting. Um, okay, then.

As for Anoop, he was the focus of the neverbeforedonebigshockeromgwtfbbq11!!!111 twist that you only saw if you set your DVR to record Hell’s Kitchen or looked it up on the Interwebs. Namely, the judges decided to make this year a Top 13 instead of a Top 12 just so they could have their Matt and Anoop him, too.

And that’s it…next week, the real competition begins!