Well, for some reason (perhaps it’s smarter than I am?), my DVR decided not to record the actual group performances on Tuesday night. So, my recap today is based largely on the helpfully repetitious results show. I think the gist will be clear enough, and those of you who sat through the whole 2 hours Tuesday should feel free to bring up any specifics in the comments.

Here it is, your combo performance/results recap:

Paula hails our Top Six, who are in the Chairs of Triumph. The group sing is Hot and Cold by Katy Perry, and the arrangement is…kind of awful. After the commercial, Ryan’s ready to rip most of these kids’ hearts out.

Here’s who did what and the responses from last night:

Von Smith – All I Need to Get By: Kicked off the show with a hawt performance, per Randy

J’unot – What You Do to Me: Paula liked his smooth, fluid spin.

Felicia Barton (who, lest we forget, is only back because they booted obvious ringer Joanna Pacetti) – No One: Paula was so happy they brought her back and hoped she’d keeps coming back week after week.

Alex Wagner-Trugman – I Guess That’s Why They Call it the Blues: A bizarre, manic performance going by the clip. Simon equated it to a hamster trying to be a lion. Hee.

Arianna Afsar – Winner Takes It All: Even in the clip they showed, she went wildly off-key at one point. Kara said it was depressing and not who she is as a person.

Kristen McNamara – Give Me One Reason: We don’t actually get the judge’s reaction to this one, but the impression given was that this was another example of an unsuitable song choice.

Taylor Vaifanua – Some People Want Everything: Kara went off on some weird riff about wanting to know who Taylor is so they can go shopping together and…huh?

Kristin Beard – This is For the Girls: Again, we don’t hear the judges’ comments, but the gist is that she DID make the right song choice.

Nathaniel Marshall – I Would Do Anything for Love: Simon snarks that he thinks he “would do that.” Helpful.

Jorge Nunez – Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me: Paula got all emotional over this one, which made Jorge so emotional that he lost the ability to speak English. Literally.

Scott MacIntyre – Mandolin Rain: Randy gave him props and a well done for his passion.

Li’l Rounds – To be Without You: Simon had one word: brilliant. Paul added that we’d be seeing her for many more “li’l rounds.” Genius, that Paula.

Yammer, yammer, stall, stall, and then Ryan calls up Lil all by herself, which doesn’t take a psychic to figure out that she’s the first one through. She belts out her tune again, and yeah, she’s obviously in a higher echelon than a lot of these folks.

Ryan summons Arianna to her feet and she may as well sit her ass right back down as Ryan reminds her that everyone thought her performance was gloomy, depressing, and funereal. Ouch. She isn’t through.

Taylor is the next one up and she should also know that it’s too soon to send the next winner through. Indeed, she doesn’t look surprised as she is told to sit back down.

Alex, who was told he “growled” his song by Simon and Randy, although Paula and Other Paula apparently found him entertaining, is also rejected.

Then, Kendall and Scott are called forth and obviously one of them is going to the Chairs of Triumph. Kendall is happy that she owned her country roots and Scott says he had the time of his life, and he’s never felt this way before, oh, no, and I swear….anyway, he’s through! Ryan leads him to center stage (Scott’s mostly blind, in case you didn’t know) where he sings Mandolin Rain in a smooth, strong voice. I like him for not overdoing it.

Nathanial and Kristen are called forth and both are clearly doomed; Nathanial for being just plain terrible and Kendall for her lack of identity. Yep, they’re back to the ol’ bleachers and neither one looks surprised in the least.

Felicia and Von are next and Von reminds me of a kewpie doll with his hair. The two of them have also obviously watched this show before and know that standing at this moment means they’ll be sitting the next. Rejected!

Jorge and J’unot are up next and called center stage, because one of them is going to be Number 3 tonight. Born-to-sing Jorge is through after Ryan jerks their chain and makes them think they’ll have to wait for a commercial break, but they really don’t.  Ass fedora. Jorge is happy in Spanish and English tonight, then goes to the Chairs – he’ll be singing later.

Ryan segues us into the Wild Card choices. Tonight, they’re going to pluck 8 rejects chosen by the judges to perform tomorrow and from the 8, 3 will be chosen to round out the Top 12 (please not Tatiana, please not Tatiana). Simon reminds us why this is a brilliant idea, as Clay Aiken and Jennifer Hudson were wild cards that had some success after being brought back. The potentials sit in the red room (redrum, redrum) until the 8 are named.

I’ll save time and just list ‘em: Von Smith, Jasmine Murray, Megan of the half-tattoo sleeve, and…damn their eyes! Tatiana. Those bastards hate me! She goes all ridiculously dramatic and I just want to smack her right through my screen. The only bright spot is Simon mocking her the entire time in the background. Matt Giraud, Jesse L., and Anoop! Anoop Dog back in the hizzie! That one actually made me smile. Is it enough to counteract the tooth-drilling agony of Tatiana? We’ll find out – tomorrow – at the Wild Card show.