Nick and Starr take it all! Woot! For a while there, I thought Starr might collapse into a hyperventilating bundle of nerves, but she managed just fine.

The entire last leg took place in Portland, Oregon. Teams had to climb a tree, fly down a zipline, and perform a Concentration-style game that tested their memory of the previous legs of the race. Nick and Starr managed to stay one step ahead of Ken and Tina to win it all. Dandrew were never even an issue, and my guess is that they didn’t even finish the Concentration game.

So, congratulations to Nick and Starr!

The Amazing Race 14 will actually be premiering in January, I believe, so I’ll see you guys then.

Unfortunately, things ended badly for Team Motherboy. Dallas made a catastrophic mistake by leaving his money and passport bag on the floor of his cab. He realized this mistake literally as the cab pulled away from the curb. He was unable to hail it back. Their lack of cash led to their eventual elimination, while Dan and Andrew unbelievably came in second. They really are the worst racers with the best luck. Every single week, someone screws up worse than they do. This time they benefitted from Ken and Tina’s mistake. And I think if Toni and Dallas hadn’t made that subway mistake, they might have beaten Ken and Tina to the mat.

Team Motherboy left in a tearful goodbye that made me choke up. Those two have every reason to be proud of each other.

So our final three are Nick & Starr (it is theirs to lose at this point), Ken & Tina, and Dan & Andrew, who would be the most unsatisfactory winners in my book since Flo.

Just ugh.

Order of Finish:

1. Nick & Starr
2. Andrew & Dan
3. Ken & Tina
4. Toni & Dallas

Andrew and Dan — worst racers in the history of The Amazing Race? Discuss.

This week our racers traveled to Moscow, where Nick and Starr were plagued with taxi problems. Starr finally lost her positive attitude and fell apart, if by “fall apart” you mean she got a little bit upset and stressed out. I thought the two of them did quite well in a very frustrating situation.

Toni and Dallas had their best leg ever, arriving on the mat in first place. They were so cute, commanding Phil to say, “You are Team Number One!” He was happy to do so.

Ken and Tina came in a close second, having run a good leg as well. Although we unfortunately found out that Tina goes commando during the Race. Nick and Starr, even though their taxi driver got lost several times, came in third and were shocked to find they weren’t last.

That honor was held for, once again, Team Dandrew. Seriously, could they suck any harder? The tasks on this week’s leg were probably the easiest and most straightforward they’ve had all season. Yet they still had huge problems on the Detour. As Ken pointed out, they’re “good at traveling, but not at the tasks.” These guys switched from Boots to Borscht back to Boots and then back to Borscht again. This was because they could not a) put on boots or b) march in a straight line.

I will never, ever get tired of watching this.

Compounding their distress was the fact that they left their shoes behind during another fiasco on last week’s leg, and had to spend a bunch of money to buy new ones. This left them with very little and they ended up screwing a cab driver out of a full fare. Ugh, I just detest them.

Of course, I knew this leg would be a non-elimination or an uber-leg, so I was prepared for the disappointment of them hanging around yet another week. Hoping next week finally kills them completely so we can move into the finale with — GASP — three very deserving and competitive teams.

GO TEAM MOTHERBOY!

Order of Finish:

1. Toni & Dallas
2. Ken & Tina
3. Nick & Starr
4. Andrew & Dan

This week’s Amazing Race featured a particularly gruesome Detour, where racers had to dress up as a cow, drink their own juice, and then offer themselves to a butcher in exchange for a clue. Oh, there was and sauteed sheep ass, too! A vegetarian’s dream. Enjoy, Terence!

Our teams headed to Kazakhstan, where everyone went pretty light on the Borat jokes, thank goodness. Sarah impressed me by showing that she’s learned the words “fast” and “thank you” for every country they’ve visited so far. Dandrew acted like ugly little ignorant Americans by calling everyone in Kazakhstan mean and unhelpful for not speaking English. Hate them. Have I mentioned that?

Anyhoo, the first clue of this leg led everyone to a chicken factory (this really wasn’t your leg if you’re an animal rights person!) where they had to find a golden egg. There was also a Fast Forward available, which Nick/Starr and Sarah/Terence both decided to pursue. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. The FF led them to a restaurant for the traditional “eat a large amount of something gross while the locals point and laugh” challenge. Terence was dismayed to find that they were eating meat. It was more like fat, which is even more disgusting. To his credit, Terence decided to give it a try. However, Nick and Starr (Starr especially) wolfed the sheep butt down, and I think Terence/Sarah should have given up as soon as they realized how difficult it would be for Terence. To his credit, Terence took full responsibility and didn’t berate Sarah at all. They fell way behind at this point, and never recovered. I was actually sorry to see them go, as they were completely unoffensive this week. As compared to Dandrew, who fought the entire time and were even sent back to the Detour by Phil for completing it incorrectly. And they still beat Terence and Sarah. Ah well.

So Nick and Starr got the Fast Forward and won yet another leg. There’s no stopping them!

This week, everyone chose the same Detour, titled “Act Like Fools,” which was quite appropriate. Teams dressed up as a cow and then had to find their way to a milk stall, where they would see a clue in the bottom of a glass of milk. Both Toni/Dallas and Ken/Tina missed the clue the first time. Toni/Dallas recovered quickly, while Tina misread the clue several times. However, both teams managed to pull it together enough to land on the mat in second and third place. Toni/Dallas continue to delight me with their positive attitude. Dallas stomping down the street in that cow costume screaming, “MOO!” was a highlight of this season, I think.

Dan and Andrew also did the cow detour, and complained throughout the entire thing. They, too, misread their clue and took a cab to the Pit Stop when it clearly said they had to walk. They managed to go back and correct their mistake and land on the Mat in fourth place, as Sarah and Terence were still so far behind from their Fast Forward attempt.

So Dandrew lives another day, and Terence/Sarah are eliminated. They gave a very sweet exit interview, and Terence didn’t piss me off once this week. Ugh, Dandrew, it should have been you.

Order of Finish:

1. Nick & Starr
2. Toni & Dallas
3. Ken & Tina
4. Andrew & Dan
5. Terence & Sarah (ELIMINATED)

This week on The Amazing Race, the teams continued their travels in India. Also, one team was so dumb, I laughed until my head fell off.

When the teams left the Pit Stop, they went straight to a Roadblock. Each team member had to run through a traditional celebration where partiers throw colored dye powder and water all over each other. Then the team member would climb a ladder and flip through hundreds of envelopes marked “Try Again,” looking for one that said “Amazing Race.” That’s it. No twist, nothing complicated. All they needed to do was remain calm while having powder thrown at them. Starr completed hers immediately and she and Nick were on their way. Next up were Toni and Dallas, who also completed it without incident. Then the divorcees arrived. Kelly did the roadblock and ran straight into the crowd, where she was covered in paint, and then ran in a circle and straight back out over to Christy. Without doing anything. This would happen a lot. Then, when she finally decided to climb the pole, she just grabbed any old envelope. Seriously, she did this three times. I’m starting to think these women can’t read. Terence/Sarah and Dandrew quickly finished, while Kelly continued to run around screaming, “I’m seriously gonna die.” Yeah, whatever. Oh, and did I mention they didn’t ask their cabbie to stay while they performed the Roadblock? Good times!

Meanwhile, Ken arrived at the celebration and powered through by pushing everyone out of the way like he was running for a touchdown. And Tina got clobbered with a pot of green dye, which instantly colored her white hair to bright green. Oddly enough, she looked pretty cool.

The next task was finding a clue at a bird hospital. Everyone did fine with this, with the exception of Terence/Sarah, who inexplicably dug through birdseed and poo in their search. This is also where Ken/Tina hit their Speed Bump, a task where they had to hand out holy water to people in the street. They seemed to enjoy themselves a lot.

Finally, the Detour was a choice between navigating the busy streets counting power lines, or hauling chilis and then pounding them to powder. Everyone but Terence/Sarah chose the power lines. Nick/Starr and Toni/Dallas figured out how to do the task reasonably quickly, and worked together to finish. Meanwhile, Terence and Sarah were making their chili powder, and Sarah complained as much as Terence did earlier about the paint. Other than that, though, they were fine this week.

The two dumbest teams in the universe hit the Detour next — Kelly/Christy and Dandrew. Both teams repeatedly performed the task wrong, following the wrong numbers along the wrong power lines. They continued to make the same mistake, over and over. Finally, Dandrew asked the divorcees if they could work together, and Kelly/Christy rudely said no, saying they didn’t want to give them an edge. And that’s when I realized I wanted to see them lose more than I wanted to see Dandrew lose. Crazy how things turn out. By this point, Ken and Tina had arrived and finished the task CORRECTLY and on the first try. The divorcees couldn’t believe it, and on their way out, Ken/Tina showed Dandrew the right way to complete the task. HA!!!!

In the race for last place, I was pleased to see our tie-dyed divorcees land on the mat last. Glad to see them go. In their goodbye interview, they managed to get in yet another dig at their husbands. Classy.

Order of Finish:

1. Nick & Starr
2. Toni & Dallas
3. Terence & Sarah
4. Ken & Tina
5. Andrew & Dan
6. Kelly & Christy (ELIMINATED)

Dandrew were still awful this week, although they did have a strong start. They went from worst to first, but by the end of the Detour, they were back to suck. I really dislike them. They seem so unhappy, and I have never in my life seen people complain this much on the race. Just quit, assholes.

Nick/Starr, Kelly/Christy and Toni/Dallas all ran their legs well, and finished in the top three. Terence & Sarah reached new levels of annoying this week as Sarah attempted to complete the Roadblock (painting a taxi) with Terence’s head so far up her ass, I have no idea how she even finished. And their therapy-speak is grinding my last nerve. All the “you need to support me” and “I need you to lift me up and say nice things” and all the weird polite passive-aggressive “babes” makes me want to jump off a cliff.

We already talked about Andrew and Dan. Dan’s little hissy when the wind knocked over his clothes was embarassing.

As for Ken and Tina, she was almost as bad as Terence at the Roadblock. There should have been a rule that kept the teams separated. It was so chaotic with everyone on top of each other. In fact, we even got a camera angle at one point that clearly showed another team’s camera crew — something this show is always pretty good about hiding. It was that crowded in there.

Anyway, it was Dandrew versus Ken/Tina for last place. Ken and Tina inexplicably held onto a terrible cab driver, even after he got them lost once before. When he got them lost a second time, they dumped him, but it wasn’t enough to keep them from finishing in last place. However, this leg is our first non-elimination. That’s fine by me. I don’t love Ken and Tina, but it would have sucked for them to go out like that. Plus, if Dandrew had come in last and then gotten saved, I probably would have had a stroke.

ORDER OF FINISH:

1. Nick & Starr
2. Kelly & Christy
3. Toni & Dallas
4. Terence & Sarah
5. Andrew & Dan
6. Ken & Tina (NON-ELIMINATION)

A quick note: Reality Blurred reports this morning that Margaretta from Season 1 has passed away. RIP.

I’m just going to say it right now — if I have to watch Sarah throw her arms up in the air and scream, “WOOOOO!” one more time, I cannot be responsible for my behavior, okay?

This week teams had to fly from New Zealand to Cambodia. Everyone managed to get a decent flight out, even Terrance and Sarah, who got pulled over for speeding, earning them a 30-minute penalty that will kick in on the next leg, WOOOOO! The exception to that was Ty and Aja. Our two lovebirds didn’t make the first two flights and were never able to actually catch up. Ty and Aja weren’t my favorite, so whatever. Like, we get it, Aja, you think Ty is hot. Honestly, I was really hoping Dandrew would screw up enough to be eliminated instead. Those two are idiots and completely stressful to watch. Have they ever smiled? Ugh.

What I loved about this episode was the road races — the teams in the backs of trucks, passing each other and good-naturedly high-fiving and yelling. It looked really fun and very in the spirit of the Race. You know, Terrance, the RACE. It amazes me that he finds it okay to whine about Sarah, um, RACING. They are both ridiculous.

The tasks this week revolved around water and temples. The Detours were done by boat (either collecting baskets of fish or collecting local items) and the Roadblock took place at Angkor Wat. Racers had to find a small chamber on the massive grounds, and poor Tina kept running through the chamber while looking for it. I was yelling at the television!

Obviously Starr didn’t break her arm last week, and she and Nick managed to win this leg. Toni and Dallas ran another great leg, and I just adore them. Toni is awesome!

Order of Finish:

1. Nick & Starr
2. Toni & Dallas
3. Ken & Tina
4. Kelly & Christy
5. Terence & Sarah
6. Andrew & Dan
7. Aja & Ty (ELIMINATED)

The Nick/Starr and Kelly/Christie feud continues, but is boring. The frat boys are still annoying and complainy. Toni and Dallas continue to rule. Ken and Tina perform one of the most terrifying Fast-Forwards I’ve seen on this show. Aja and Ty blow a tire. Marissa and Brooke struggle to keep up with the pack. And Terence is still demanding that Sarah touch him. He creeps me out.

Finishing order after the jump.

Order of Finish:

1. Ken & Tina
2. Terence & Sarah
3. Kelly & Christy
4. Toni & Dallas
5. Nick & Starr
6. Andrew & Dan
7. Aja & Ty
8. Marisa & Brooke (ELIMINATED)