Maggie is participating in a huge knitter’s fair this weekend. She’s super-busy, so I figured I’d open a post on her behalf. Talk about last night’s Big Brother in the comments, and cast your vote for the possible winner right here.

Oh, Michele. You have no one to blame but yourself. You could have convinced Kevin to keep you if you hadn’t been so damn passive all season. I guess he decided to keep Jordan because she doesn’t win competitions? Neither does Natalie. I keep hope alive that Kevin plans to dump Natalie at Final Two. Unfortunately, he has nobody to bounce theories off, since Jordan is barely speaking without drooling these days and Natalie is living in The Land of Natalia, where she is Queen and spends her days with her manservants Jessie and Chima. Let’s hope someone in the Diary Room knocks some sense into him.

Sigh.

Anyway, Natalie spends most of this episode telling everyone she’s no longer aligned with Kevin, and then telling everyone that they need to win the Veto and save Kevin. I don’t think Natalie even knows what’s truth and what’s not anymore. When your first instinct in any situation is to tell a lie, it’s time to take a good hard look at yourself, dontcha think?

So this episode gave us the Veto competition, which was rather complicated. I won’t go into it, but Michele’s first attempt couldn’t have been wronger, Jordan couldn’t even get started, and Kevin won easily. I read on the feeds that Kevin told Natalie that a technical issue forced him to stand near the wall for a while, where he not only had time to think but apparently also briefly saw the answers? Sucks when stuff like this happens, but it happens every season and it’s tough for me to get upset about it anymore.

After Kevin won the Veto, Natalie jumped up and down and ran to her HOH fridge to get drinks for her and Kevin to toast themselves. And that’s when Michele and Jordan realized that maybe Natalie and Kevin were aligned after all. UH, DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

At the live Veto Ceremony, Michele makes a great case for herself and tells Kevin she will spend her time in the Jury House turning everyone against him. Ha! He evicts her anyway.

Part One of the HOH competition begins. If you don’t want to wait until tomorrow to find out, the winner was   Kevin  .

REALLY, Natalie? First she opens Pandora’s Box even though she won’t be able to play for Veto, meaning that Kevin will have one fewer chance to get off the block, because she plans to put him up (and his DR where he calls her a “biznatch” was hysterical), and then her boyfriend PROPOSES to her and she’s all, “Eh, okay,” and then won’t even kiss him on the mouth, and he is actually CRYING because apparently he loves her for some reason, and she’s all, “Hey, sushi.”

GAH.

Meanwhile, the opening of Pandora’s Box has triggered a surreal nightmare downstairs, where the houseguests are chased by people dressed as cats, babies and cockroaches. It’s kind of awesome. After Natalie emerges from the HOH Room, she tries to act like something bad happened and tells everyone that the box had a thing called Final Two Flip, or something like that, where if she made it Final Two and got enough votes to win, her winning votes would be awarded to her opponent instead. She’s all, “OH, WELL.”

And everyone else is all, “Um, you are a smelly liar.”

What was the POINT of all that? Why lie at all? And if you’re going to lie, why not tell a good lie, like you got to talk to a jury member and the jury member told you that they all planned to vote for Michele to win or something? Natalie is just…she just is.

So she knows they know she’s lying, and she comes clean about the engagement. But not before being all, “I totally had you guys, didn’t I? I totally fooled you all, didn’t I? I was awesome, wasn’t I, while I was telling you lies,” and they’re all, “Um, not really.”

Not much else happened. They had a Luxury Competition that attempted to recapture the magic from BB10 that was Renny and the socks, but it went without much drama.

So, nominations come, and Natalie is wearing a bathrobe and an…inflatable…plastic…crown? And sunglasses? OH NATALIE, SHUT UP. Natalie nominates Kevin and Michele, saying that Michele is her real target. I still can’t figure out why she nominated Kevin, though. Am I incorrect in thinking that the only person who can vote this week is the Veto holder? So if Michele wins Veto, who’s to say she won’t vote off Kevin?

Either way, I’m pretty sure Kevin is done with Natalie as a partner and I’m hoping for her to get ousted next week.

Also, America’s Vote for Favorite Player is open. Who will you be voting for?

And just like that, Jeff and Jordan’s reign of power comes to an end.

As you know, last week Kevin was HOH and nominated Michele and Jeff. Michele pulled out a Veto win for herself, which was great to see, leaving Kevin no choice but to put Jordan up on the block next to her sweetie, Jeff. We keep waiting for Kevin to turn on Natalie, as he did Jeff, but it hasn’t happened yet. Please happen soon.

So, last night, Jeff was evicted from the house, with Kevin casting the tiebreaking vote. As much as I enjoyed Jeff and Jordan, Kevin did the right thing for himself. Also, last night, Julie Chen asked Kevin what it was like opening Pandora’s Box the other day. Kevin told her that usually he doesn’t mind being forcibly bent over a box, and Julie nearly went into labor right there in the 8 o’clock hour. I laughed and laughed.

Over at the Jury House, Lydia was gross. She literally cannot keep her hands off Jessie. Russell arrived after his eviction, screaming “TECHNOTRONICS! TECHOTRONICS!” and seriously, dude, let’s give that a rest, okay? It is not the catchphrase you think it is. Everyone knows the catchphrase is, “You got got.” Did you guys hear Jeff say it to Jordan? “Jeff, I’m sad.” “Because I got got?” I laughed and laughed, again.

So yadda yadda, Jeff was voted out. The HOH competition was a question and answer thing and somehow, SOMEHOW, the planets aligned and some knowledge finally beamed down into that stank rat’s nest Natalie calls her hair and seeped into her brain and NATALIE WON HOH.

Oh, god.

The real power this week, though, is the Veto, right? If you hold the Veto, you choose who goes home. Unless Natalie wins it, but come on. So I guess she will nominate Jordan and Michele. My hope is for Michele to win Veto and send Jordan home. I realize now I’m rooting for Kevin to win.

Also, Pandora’s Box Redux? Is it too much to hope that if Natalie sticks her hand into it, it will suck her into another dimension and we’ll never see her again?

What did everyone else think? Also, our Final Four contains one member of each original clique. Kind of cool, eh?

Yesterday’s show picks up during the HoH challenge. Jeff tells us that to him, watching someone fall down is the funniest thing ever, so he had a great time. Jordan fell so many times that I was just glad the poor girl is close to the ground to begin with. Ouch! Michele did her best, but when Natalie noticed that Kevin was in the lead, she pretty much gave up. Kevin was not impressed.

After the competition, Kevin and Natalie discuss who they want to get rid of. Despite their promise to Jeff, they think about whether they want to vote Jeff or Michele out of the house. Michele feels completely alone so she puts on the ugliest dress she can find and goes to cry in the Splish Splash room.

Time to see Kevin’s HoH room! Kevin completely falls apart when he gets a letter from home (aw!) and everyone enjoys sharing in his HOH room experience.

Jordan tells Natalie about her home life and how her family lost their house to foreclosure. It made me so sad. She talks about how she loves to live with her family and that she’ll probably live with her mom until she gets married.

The Jordan Show continues as Jordan argues with everyone about whether or not the peach she ate was a nectarine. Michele says she doesn’t know because she’s never eaten a peach that didn’t come in a can. Really? Jeff and Natalie assure Jordan that her peach was actually a nectarine but she doesn’t believe them. Why? Because IT HAS THE NUT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT AND THEY TASTE JUST ALIKE! I love her.

Next, Natalie gives herself a stroke trying to keep away from a dragonfly. She wants all bugs on earth to be destroyed. Jordan pipes up that she “doesn’t see what the need of having them are.” Indeed. Who needs crops?

Next, everyone is back in the kitchen and Natalie is point blank telling Kevin that she thinks Michele should go because she doesn’t trust her. Poor Michele is quiet and says she understands. Natalie tells us that berating Michele was strategic, in order to make Jeff feel safe. In the bedroom, the four of them chat without Michele present and Jeff jumps on their wagon, saying they should definitely get rid of her. They actually spend quite a bit of time together, discussing Jeff’s preferences when it comes to women. I can’t stop laughing at the look of disgust on Jordan’s face!

Kevin entertains all of his opponents in the HoH room, one at a time. Jeff brings up a good point when he says that he broke his final four alliance in order to help Kevin, but Kevin responds that in his worst case scenario, he’d have to trust Jeff to vote Michele out and he doesn’t think he can do that. He promises Jeff that even though he’ll be nominated, he won’t be evicted. We’ll see! Jeff and Michele are now on the block.

Oh, what a feeling!

I must apologize for my lateness in putting this post together. When I watched the episode on Thursday I was drunk, so I don’t remember a lot of the show because I was so busy talking drunken smack at it. So I’ll do my best, and you guys fill in the rest in the comments.

Kevin and Natalie scheme about getting rid of Jeff next week regardless of their word to him.
Jordan doesn’t like to be yelled at and called fat.
Russell walks around acting like King Shit and tries to make people uncomfortable.
Russell gets told by Jeff in no uncertain terms that “he got got.”
Russell, just before eviction, gives a speech where he indicates he’d like to be friends and his behaviour was game-play only. He likens himself to greats like Boogie. BOOGIE? Ugh.
Michele feels like she has no alliance and is really upset that Russell will be voted out.
Russell reiterates with Julie Chen that he was just playing all those roles of the big BB greats and that he’s really a nice guy. Fortunately, he has to spend a week alone with Jessie and Lydia, so we get to test that theory.

In the Sequester House, Jessie is eating a special meal in a plate with sections, like a baby, when Lydia waltzes in. She is grabbing at him, hugging at him, hitting at him, wrestling him, saying “I hate you I love you” and he’s all LYDIA I am EATING a MEAL here. Anyway, you know if they can peel those ridiculous wrestler pants off him, they’ll have an eventful evening.

After eviciton, the housguests had to slide around on “graham crackers”, going back and forth trying to fill a glass globe with enough “hot chocolate” to cause the “marshmallow” inside to float to the top. Whomever gets to their marshmallow first is the winner, or something like that. Julie Chen advises that the number of trips back and forth in order to complete the task is somewhere along the 4-mile mark. Oy. So tune in tomorrow or highlight below, to see the winner of the competition.

The new HOH is Kevin

This episode of Big Brother featured a giant ape sex toy rapping with Casey’s voice. After I checked to make sure that my dinner was NOT, in fact, laced with acid, I continued watching the show.

So, as Jeff and Jordan head into their third week of basically being in power, cracks are starting to show. Jeff is annoyed that Jordan doesn’t seem to try very hard or study for any of the competitions. He’s pulling all the weight and he starts to raise his voice while he talks to her and she gets upset and says she like the happy Jeff better. I did enjoy when he yelled, “Why does everyone always assume that Jordan is cute and right?” Heh heh. He’s right, though. He does have all the blood on his hands and may not be able to win against her. I wonder if he would actually jettison her at the end. He might have to.

Jeff and Jordan also start acting strangely around Russell, sort of shutting him out. There’s this terribly awkward scene where Russell says to Jeff, “Who woulda thought the two guys who had a fight during the first week would now be friends, ha ha har,” and looks at Jeff hopefully and Jeff just kind of stares into the distance. It was awful.

Going into the Veto, everyone knows how important it is and everyone swears to play their hardest to win it. At this point, just about all of them need it. Except Jordan, of course, who illustrates this by losing during the very first round. About the Veto — it features Casey rapping and it made the baby Jesus cry. That’s all I’m saying about that. Jeff is AMAZING at this competition, leaving everyone in the dust. It comes down to him and Michele, and  he wins.

Natalie immediately starts kissing ass and making promises. Kevin does, too, but in a more understated manner. I really like him. He’s been a pleasant surprise this season. He gives good DR. Jordan tells Jeff they need to break up the duo of Michele and Russell. Jeff still hasn’t forgiven Russell for voting to keep Jessie in the house after Jeff used the Coup, so he takes Kevin off the block and puts up Russell in his place.

Russell promises us Chima-esque fireworks on Thursday. Bring it on, Russ, because after you’re gone, the rest of this season is going to be DULLSVILLE.